


Always there for you

by orphan_account



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Mentions of Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-03
Updated: 2012-12-03
Packaged: 2017-11-20 04:07:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 520
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/581138
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean tries to get through to Cas.  Builds off of their conversation in 8x08.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Always there for you

All was right:  Dean at the wheel, Sam in the back asleep, and Cas next to Dean riding shotgun.

Team Free Will was back together after Castiel’s stint at the nursing home ended.

And Dean wanted to be content, but Cas’ words from their talk kept ringing in his head:

_I’m afraid I might kill myself._

The angel was leaned against the passenger side door, placidly observing the star-filled night, and Dean was struggling with himself on whether or not to breach the subject.

Silence lost the battle, and Dean shifted in his seat, giving a couple short glances to Cas before starting.

“About what you said back at the motel last week…”

Cas’ expression turned from peaceful to somber almost instantly.

“Well, I-I’ve been there,” he continued, “but no matter how much you hate yourself, no matter how much you feel like the world would be better off without you, there’s always something or someone to keep living for.”

“But I don’t deserve to live after all that I’ve done, Dean.  All of my second chances end in catastrophe, so I should end my existence to prevent anymore problems,” Cas growled, turning from the window to face Dean, but the only response he received was a clenched jaw.

The Impala turned off the empty highway into a deserted rest stop.

Creaking hinges disrupted the crisp, still night as Dean exited the car and gestured for Cas to do the same.

“Dean?” he hesitantly followed suit, brow crinkled.

The hunter rounded the Impala’s hood and stopped a foot from where Cas was standing.  Dean rubbed his mouth, searching for the words to respond.  
 

“After Hell-,” he began steadily, “After you pulled me out of Hell, I didn’t feel like I could ever do anything to make up for all the evil I’d done down there.  Some nights I would sit on the edge of my bed cleaning one of my sawed offs and try to work up the nerve to load it and shoot myself.”  His eyes were threatening to spill tears, but he continued, “I did that more and more after Sam fell into the pit and when you died….”

Dean bowed his head for a moment to wipe his eyes.

Cas filled as much love and anguish into one word as he possibly could:

“Dean…”

“But what stopped me from pulling the trigger every time was that I told myself that Sam or you or Bobby needed me, that I’d be destroying my family if I went through with it.”

By the look on the angel’s face, Castiel already understood Dean’s message, but the hunter wasn’t finished.

“If you need help, I'm _always_ here. Me and Sam, we need you.  _I_ need you. Plain and simple.”

The two stood motionless with eyes locked for an interminable amount of time until Dean interrupted their silent conversation.

“Come here.”

 His arms pulled the angel in and wrapped around the trench coat-laden shoulders, and Cas, at first stiff and awkward, sank into the embrace and let the tears that he had been holding back for five years fall into Dean’s coat.


End file.
